The Myth of Radiation Poisoning—An Ongoing Investigation

To hear "scientists" and "the media" and "the government" tell it, radiation is bad for us. It supposably gives us "the cancer" and makes us "die" "painfully." As far as I'm aware—and at last measure it was 14.3 kilometres—there has never been any conclusive study that proves radiation's so-called harmful effects. Well, I'm not a pawn to the anti-radiation forces, and so, at great personal expense, I will be conducting a lengthy investigation as to whether radiation is, in fact, even remotely dangerous to people.

I have procured a significant amount of enriched uranium from a former Soviet republic (don't ask which one; us journalists gotta protect our sources) and have hidden it in my neighbour's house. I've also purchased an x-ray machine from a dentist who was being sent to jail, and will, whenever possible, secretly take pictures of my neighbour to see if he seems to be getting cancered up or developing superpowers. Any results—or, as I believe, non-results—will be posted here when they come in.

This is, I believe, a momentous event, when the tyranny of science and medicine will finally be exposed.